Saturday, February 19, 2011

Sinking in Quicksand

Disclaimer: I read this article in a magazine way back college. It resembles my old story. I felt like I was the one who wrote it.Very much like my story. Those in red were the exactly the same thing that I felt or did before. :)

During the day you are almost inseparable. And when you get home you burn the phone lines talking to him until the wee hours of the morning. You know a lot about him - his childhood, likes, dislikes, moods - you've even memorized the clothes he likes to wear. If there existed a category of him in jeopardy, you would win, hands down.
You can talk to him about anything and he would just listen, without judgment. You've shared beautiful memories together. Everything about your relationship is perfect. Except for one thing.
You know that he is not yours and that most likely, he will never be. Someone has beaten you to his heart and that's a fact you can never change. You just have to accept the reality that you are not his first priority. You are not the one he goes to watch movies with, the one he brings to fmily gatherings or the one whose hands he holds in public. You will never be introduced as his 'girlfriend.'
But even with the immense hurt you feel, you continue seeing him. You try to forget that other part of his life and just enjoy the one he has with you. Even though he never tells you how he feels for you or what he even thinks of you, you don't mind. You never ask anything of him. You just gladly accept what is given. Sometimes you feel sad but what's more important to you is that he is in your life.
If other guys ask you out, you refuse. You stay faithful to him who is not even your boyfriend. As far as you are concerned, he is the only guy in your life. You always do things for him without him having to ask. You show him how much you care and tell him that you will always be there for him. If he does something wrong, all you need is an explanation, and you forgive him and act as if nothing happened.
You try to make him happy even in the simplest of ways. Until the time you again realize that you do have him, but not completely. You do everything just to have him yet you still do not. While he does not do anything yet he has you, the whole of you. You think of saying goodbye. But you know doing that would only hurt you more.
You have a lot of questions but you are afraid to ask. You are afraid of hearing his real answers. You want to hold on to the hope that one day it won't be so complicated; that you will get your 'happily ever after.' You tell yourself you cannot afford to lose him.
You again ignore the heartache, the sadness and all that. You again decide to risk your heart and take the chance.

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